Why self-compassion is essential for a healthy mind, body, and spirit
“I’m too busy to take time for wellness. I can’t seem to get on a schedule. I’m not good at organizing my time.. I might as well give up.”
How we talk to ourselves is critical in showing up to care for ourselves. If we use shame as a motivating factor to engage in wellness practices, sustaining our efforts over time will be difficult. There is a reason why many of us resort to shame. Our brains are wired to survive and to protect us from failure. This results in a negativity bias, where we are conditioned to think about what can go wrong or the worst-case scenario. This can show up in our inner dialogue, as us berating ourselves for making a mistake or not taking what we believed to be the appropriate action.
Take a moment to think about your inner dialogue concerning yourself. For many of us, saying that we love ourselves feels foreign and perhaps uncomfortable. We are often more comfortable sharing positive and encouraging words with our loved ones than saying them to ourselves. However, practicing acceptance and kindness towards ourselves when we experience feelings such as guilt, disappointment and suffering can profoundly impact how we care for our mind, body and spirit.
Self-compassion consists of three key practices:
Mindfulness: Accepting our thoughts and feelings with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment,
Common Humanity: Understanding that our flaws (shortcomings, mistakes) are not unique but are part of the human experience
Self-Kindness: Treating ourselves with the same kindness we extend to those we love
Let’s revisit our opening quote and reframe this feeling and reaction using mindful self-compassion:
Mindfulness: “I notice that I feel upset with myself when I don’t make the time for this practice. I’m aware of how I feel at this moment.”
Self-kindness: “It’s okay if I cannot practice meditation or reflection daily. I will make this change at my own pace.”
Common Humanity: “I’m not alone in this experience. Many people feel frustrated they don’t have enough time for all the things they would like to do
Self-compassion can provide a positive approach to caring for our mind, body, and spirit. If we care for our minds, we will be careful to say uplifting things and be gentle with ourselves when we experience negative thoughts. Caring for our bodies means resisting a narrative of shame–judging ourselves for our physique or other parts of our appearance. Instead, we look at how we can nurture, support, and celebrate our bodies. Caring for our spirits means nurturing the life force flowing within us. We see ourselves not as isolated beings but as part of a complex web of humanity. We think about the values, practices, and relationships that give our lives purpose and meaning.
Tips for incorporating self-compassion into your daily life
When it comes to practicing self-compassion, no path is set in stone. You have the flexibility to experiment and find approaches that work best for you. The best practices are those that you can see yourself returning to over time, eventually becoming part of the natural way you relate to yourself. Here are some tips that can help you be gentle with yourself:
Make time for yourself.
When you experience intense feelings or emotions, find a moment to practice caring for yourself. You might step outside to ground yourself–taking a moment to look the sky and let the sunlight touch your skin. Or you might take a moment to stretch and connect with your body, noticing the sensations you feel. You do not need to dedicate long periods. Start with baby steps!
Be mindful of your self-talk.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself, and notice without judgment when the dialogue is negative. Sometimes we are quick to judge ourselves or tell ourselves how big a disappointment we are for missing a deadline or not doing such a thing. Focus on reframing your thoughts, and speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding. When you experience a difficult situation, think about what you would say to someone you love. This takes practice, its okay if it doesn’t feel comfortable at first!
Be kind to yourself.
Remember that you are human and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Beating yourself up will only make things worse. Remember when your friend told you she made it late to a meeting because she did not hear her alarm? How did you react? You probably told her that it was not her fault and that it happened. Practice treating yourself with the same kindness when such situations arise. No matter how hard we try, factors outside our control always affect our lives.
Seek out support.
Reach out to a loved one for support, or consider talking to a therapist. You are not expected to figure it all out by yourself. Talking to someone will allow you to gain perspective by reflecting on the situation and think about options and resources that can help you move forward.
Nurture your spirit.
Spirituality refers to having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life that extends beyond yourself. Examples of practices that can nurture your spirit include spending time in nature, expressing gratitude, meditating, or practicing a faith or belief system. You may find guided meditation videos helpful if you are uncomfortable with silence. A simple gratitude practice can involve finding three things you are grateful for. You might say them out loud or write them down somewhere you can return to later when you need positivity and encouragement to help you through a difficult moment. These practices can help strengthen your mind-body-spirit connection. A practice of nurturing your spirit can help shift your focus from negative to positive. .
Music is magical because it helps boost our mood or uplift our spirit. It can help us de-stress, reflect, or feel motivated. Create a playlist with songs you enjoy listening to. You may create one playlist filled with motivational songs when you are exercising and another with more relaxed music for when you feel overwhelmed. You can use a platform that is convenient for you, such as YouTube.
Self-compassion will be a life-long journey! Some days will be easier than others, but this practice can lead to a more positive outlook on life, increased happiness, and a greater sense of self-awareness over the long term. If you want to improve your well-being, get your free copy of Your Wellness Journey Guide to start practicing this today!