Self-care and surgery

A weekend getaway with my girlfriends prior to the surgery gave me an opportunity to disconnect from my everyday life, surround myself with nature, and savor life.

The purpose of this post is to shed light on my own process of preparing for an upcoming surgery. It is not meant to be a comprehensive list of all things one should consider. However, by being transparent about my own experience, I hope to give you a launching pad to consider your own unique needs, or how you may support someone going through a similar experience.

My self-care plan 

I recently decided to undergo a hysterectomy, following a decade of exploring non-surgical options to deal with ever worsening pain related to my cycle. This was a difficult decision to make, and I may choose to expound upon my process in a later post. However, I will say for now that after exploring all of my options, in the end this was the most compassionate choice I could make for myself. 

Once I scheduled my date, I had roughly three months to prepare myself emotionally and physically. Since I spend so much of my time thinking about, reading about, or speaking to others about self-care, I knew that I wanted to make self-care a priority in my process. 

Initially, my exploration of self-care options was quite organic. I simply thought about what would make me feel cared for as I went through this process. I will use the seven areas of self-care identified by Carol Williams-Nickelson in the Handbook of Girls' and Women's Psychological Health as a framework for purposes of clarity:

1. Physical 

2. Emotional

3. Spiritual

4. Intellectual

5. Social

6. Relational

7. Safety and security

Here is a list of the tasks I identified, organized under each of these categories. I indicate those tasks that changed with a strikethrough, because life sometimes unfolds differently than how we plan it on paper (or in my case, in my mind).

Physical Self-Care

1. Continuing to do intermittent fasting 16 hours per day to maintain my weight loss heading into the surgery (I did this, more or less!)

2. Manage the pain for my remaining cycles with the help of my doctor 

3. Strengthen my core and ramp up my conditioning in the month leading up to surgery Walk for 35 minutes per day whenever possible

4. Get my hair done in a protective style so that I wouldn't have to do it on a daily basis for several weeks (This may seem small, but it isn't. Having dealt with health issues the past few years, I know that my overall morale is better when I feel good about how I look)

5. Visit a spa and have a massage prior to the surgery

Emotional Self-Care

1. See my therapist regularly to help process my emotions

2. Allow myself to feel my feelings 

3. Practice mindful self-compassion (I trained in this last year and it has had a profound impact on my well-being. Click here to learn more)

4. Reflect on boundaries I need to set in my personal and professional life to protect my emotional wellness and promote my recovery (I set an out-of-office response on my personal and professional email one week prior to the surgery, to help set expectations and get used to not checking either one regularly).

5. Allow myself to ask for help and hire services wherever needed to create a positive, supportive environment for my recovery 

6. Listen to guided meditations and affirmations to help with anxiety

Spiritual Self-Care

1. Listen to gospel music (it grounds me and makes me feel at peace)

2. Reflect on how having a hysterectomy makes me feel as a woman, and allow my concept of womanhood to evolve

3. Have conversations with others in my spiritual community, and open myself up to their support

Intellectual Self-Care

1. Educate myself on my procedure and create a list of questions to take into appointments

2. Set up creative outlets that I can engage in during my recovery (coloring books, scrapbook, Netflix binge, reading my Kindle)

Social Self-Care

1. Plan a local weekend away with girlfriends before the surgery

2. Spend time with friends and go out and do activities that may not be an option during recovery

3. Remind my friends that I need sweet check-in texts and funny GIFs during my recovery

4. Engage with groups of like-minded people online who are dealing with fibroids or going through hysterectomies

Relational Self-Care

1. Go on date nights whenever possible with my husband

2. Go to Universal Studios with my parents

3. Spend time with our godsons

Safety and Security Self-Care

1. Fill out an advanced directive (You can find the form for your state here. (My close friend who is a medical doctor helped me with mine. This isn't easy, but it is important)

2. Review my budget, any upcoming bills, and all accounts

3. Ensure hospital and physicians for my upcoming surgery are in my health plan's network

4. Set up the supplies I need prior to and following surgery (this includes ordering what I need in first few days, and creating an Amazon wishlist of products that I can easily order in the future)

Impact of Self-Care Activities

In the end, this plan was very helpful in allowing me to finish the school year successfully and set myself up as well as possible for the surgery. It was not easy, and took a lot of focus. The final three weeks leading up to the surgery were planned down to the day. However, this included protected days that were dedicated to rest. This was important in regards to my emotional health, as well as ensuring I did not get sick prior to the surgery (when you work at a school, there is always something going around).

The hardest thing was allowing myself to hire people to help me who excel in cleaning and organizing (two areas I am not afraid to admit I struggle in). I knew that if I did not make decluttering my possessions a priority in advance of my surgery, I would sit around during my recovery thinking about all of the things I should be doing. Hiring people to help do this took the shame spiral off of the table. As my space was simplified and I parted with many of my items, a sense of mental clarity and focus was restored. I feel like I set myself up to recover with a clean slate. I also finally felt the creative surge I needed to decorate my office after talking about it for four years--this was a great outlet for my anxiety about the surgery.

The most valuable resource was my therapist. I have seen her regularly for the past two years. She helps me to prioritize my well-being while I am busy prioritizing my students. She held space as I went through the process of weighing my options, deciding to schedule the surgery, and preparing emotionally for the surgery. I am always glad to tell people that having a therapist is a vital component of my self-care plan.

One thing I did not expect was how much other people would stand up for me. I felt so isolated when I made this decision. I did not know anyone my age who had a hysterectomy. I was very reluctant to share the news of my surgery prior to it taking place, mostly because I wanted to shield myself from other people's well-meaning advice and questions. I had enough of my own to process and live with. My family has been wonderfully supportive. My friends have listened and provided affirmation and validation. My colleagues have been exceptional, respectful of my space and privacy but also happy to provide support. My spiritual community has been...well, can I tell you about them? The church that I attend is open and affirming, and nearly everyone is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. They have drowned me in love from the day we first met, and this experience has been no exception.

What I could not have planned for is the speed at which all of this unfolded. I was teaching three courses, working on multiple manuscripts, and engaging in various other activities while preparing for my surgery. For a while, I was able to take a rational, distanced approach to preparing for my surgery. It was a series of boxes to be checked off, and could be dealt with in a logical manner. I was extremely good at compartmentalizing: when I stepped into a classroom, my focus was on my students. 

As the date neared, all of the boxes started to pile on top of each other and I began to lose my cool. There was not enough time for all that had to be done. I was finishing grading while the house was being cleaned. I had my surgery pre-op and graduation on the same day. Sure enough, my emotions around what it felt like to be a woman choosing to have a hysterectomy cascaded upon me in the weeks prior to the surgery. I was grateful to have the tools my therapist had shared with me as resources to work through it. I prioritized my wellness, and my to-do list was put on pause.

In the end, I took care of many tasks, but some were left undone. That makes the perfectionist in me feel uncomfortable, but does not diminish my happiness. I did so much these past few months, and feel more prepared than I imagined possible. I don't have control over what happens next, but I feel good about how I have prepared. In the days to come, I will focus on nurturing a calm protective space for myself.

For the past several months, I debated when and how I would share what I was going through publicly. I decided to hold off as long as I needed to in order to create space for myself and honor my needs as they emerged. However, writing this post one week before the surgery was a creative form of self-care. This allowed me to capture how I have been feeling, and identify what has helped me most during this process. I am now posting this the afternoon prior to my surgery, as I feel ready. Once my recovery is underway, I would like to post further reflections.

Creating your own self-care plan

If you or someone you know is preparing to go through a surgery, it is my hope that sharing my experience will give you a few ideas. It is not essential that you address all of the categories listed here. In fact, that was not even my own process. First, I explored options for care in the areas that were most salient for me: emotional, physical and spiritual. As time went on, my self-care activities naturally expanded to the other areas. I also made changes as needed, removing or replacing elements that no longer worked for me.

If you want to create a plan for yourself, start with the categories of self-care that resonate most for you. You might start by asking yourself what would be most beneficial to you at this time? Identify one step you can take to care for yourself in each category you identified. If you like, share it with someone who can help provide you with accountability and support. 

I hope this gives you an idea of how comprehensive self-care can be, and that it can be applied to a wide range of circumstances in your life. I hope you will use the ideas presented here as a tool to foster your own wellness. 

What is one step you can take in one of the categories listed above to care for yourself?